when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
