i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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