i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
