So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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