Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
