Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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