Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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