You're completely useless in the revolution.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
