I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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