I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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