you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
