My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
