Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
