my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
