I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize