i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
