Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
