I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
