She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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