wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
