You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
