id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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