I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
