The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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