I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
