My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
