Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
