Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize