so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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