I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
