remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
