You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
