OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
