gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
