covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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