if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
