toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
