I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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