I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
