Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
