If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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