After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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