I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
