You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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