I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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