I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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