Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
