im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize