You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
