Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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