If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
