Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
