last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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