What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
