dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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