every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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