dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
