My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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