I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize