Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize