I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
