I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize