I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
