why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
