i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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