I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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