We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this is an emotional support booty call
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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