tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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