fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
