Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
