They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
