Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
