I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's always time for handjobs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
