Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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