so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
