those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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