I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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