We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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