I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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