I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize