Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
