i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
the raccoons are back...
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