Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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